✶ Awareness: Is it Really Half the Battle? ✶

An expression I have often heard growing up and still hear to this day is “awareness is half the battle”… but is this really true? Through my own experience with personal growth over the years I’ve discovered that, no, awareness is definitely not half the battle — it is only the beginning and it’s the very first and biggest step in a lifelong journey.

But is it really a battle? I suppose that is a matter of perspective. When we fight against ourselves, constantly beating ourselves up with our negative self-talk, rather than loving and embracing all that is us, then, yes, I imagine that it would seem to be quite the battle.

With awareness comes change and change is seldom easy. However, I believe that we tend to make things much more difficult for ourselves than need be. Too often we see change as a bad thing. In the case of tragic events that inevitably occur in life it is almost impossible to fathom there being something good to come of it. However, a mere alteration in our perception of these events can be the difference between giving up on life and falling into deep depression or seeing them as opportunities to learn and move forward in a positive way.

Stepping into awareness is a constant — a giant stepping stone towards personal growth — and it is a never ending cycle of self-discovery waiting to be revealed over our entire lifetime. Much like peeling the many layers of an onion, awareness can bring forth many tears as we work our way towards its core. Tears of sorrow as we release the anguish associated with our inner demons, and tears of joy as we embrace the freedom from their life long strangle hold.

By “inner demons” I mean our unhealthy habits and limiting beliefs that inevitably become the unhealthy patterns of behaviour that govern our thoughts, our choices and consequently the very quality of the lives we live. We all have these demons within us. Awareness brings them forth into the light for us to see…to consciously feel their presence. And that is where the proverbial “battle” begins.

Quite often during the first stages of noticing our “demons”, our unhealthy patterns, in the moment when they arise, we feel completely powerless to do anything about them. It’s almost as though we are witness to our own self-destructive behaviour. We see and hear ourselves saying and doing things that we know are unhealthy; we know are part of the problem, but yet, because we are merely in the first stage of our growth, we haven’t yet accrued the tools to be able to consciously shift that negative energy, to be able to stop ourselves from reacting or exhibiting that unhealthy behaviour.

We’ve been this particular way for X number of years and depending on how old we are, decades even. Therefore, it is an unrealistic expectation to believe that once we step into awareness  we are able to change our patterns all of a sudden … that the burden of self-sabotaging behaviour is magically lifted. It’s important to remember that this is a process that may sometimes take years.

These patterns are so ingrained in our way of being that they are almost a part of us, like second nature. It may seem as though they are built into our very DNA. Some of us believe so strongly that this is who we actually are that we truly feel we can’t do anything to change it. Well guess what? Yes, we most certainly can!

Some people might even go so far as to say, “Well, wouldn’t it be easier to live in ignorance of these so called “demons” rather than be conscious of their existence?”

Easier, perhaps. However, just because we are unaware of the existence of these demons does not mean that they are not wreaking havoc beneath the surface. “What we resist persists”, as the saying goes,  potentially creating conflict, drama and misery that is the cause of so much needless stress in our everyday lives. I recently came across a bumper sticker that made me laugh yet spoke volumes about exactly this. “If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people?” Ha! so very true!

Avoiding awareness hinders our growth, keeping us stuck in self-defeating ways of being. Speaking from experience, I know how frustrating and at times devastating feeling powerless to change can be. It can almost seem emotionally easier to simply remain stuck. It’s the devil we know, right?

However, what is the one thing that everyone strives for in life? Happiness. And no matter how hard we try to fill our lives with people and things to make us happy, it is superficial and fleeting. There is only one place where it can truly be found…within.

So in those early moments of awareness, rather than getting frustrated with ourselves when we can actually see and hear our unhealthy patterns and feel powerless to change them, why not allow ourselves to simply be aware of that awareness; to be witness to it without shame, without judgment, without beating ourselves up or playing victim for our inability to stop our own behaviour?

This is just the beginning of our process … the beginning of our healing. Thus it is important and absolutely crucial that we learn to be gentle and patient with our process. To accept that where we are in our growth is exactly where we are supposed to be. And that it will take time to accrue those tools … to eventually be able to say to ourselves in those moments, “Okay, I’m aware of this behaviour. I don’t like it. I don’t want to be this way. So what do I want? how do I want to behave in these types of situations?”

Be okay with that awareness and recognize it as a gift, an opportunity to eventually move past it and onto healthier ways being. Even just by being gentle and patient with ourselves and being okay with that awareness, despite not yet having the tools to do something about it, actually gives us room to step back from it a little more and a little better, making each step forward a little easier. If we allow our frustration to get the best of us, we give permission to our inner demons to keep strangling us within their destructive grip, allowing them to thrive on the negative energy we are feeding them.

By making the decision in those moments to be okay with where we are … to just accept it as what it is … to be thankful and grateful that we are in a position to be able to see the behaviour that is causing so much pain in our lives, we are empowering ourselves to change. It may feel like it’s causing us more pain to be aware of it, but know that with that awareness comes healing…comes opportunity…comes growth. And that is ultimately extremely empowering.

Once we begin to realize a little more each time that we’re able to step back from our behaviour as soon as we notice it, it puts us in a better position to be able to stop ourselves, to reverse our patterns, to eventually, be able to let go of unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy ones.

That said, awareness is definitely not half the battle. It is only the beginning — the first giant step that opens the door of opportunity towards a positive new way of being. It is important to remember that it will take time and conscious effort to shift from our old ways. However, if we are mindful and commit to being gentle and patient with ourselves fully and completely during this process of transition, then we empower ourselves to create more of what we truly want in life … authentic happiness.

Happy soul searching!

(article written by Kylen O. Lefave ~ originally posted on the site http://lifeasahuman.com/ on September 23, 2010)

✶ What Does “Being Healthy” Truly Mean? ✶

How we treat our ourselves both physically and emotionally has a profound effect on how we feel in our day-to-day lives. It’s about finding a healthy balance in mind, in body and in spirit that will determine the quality of our human experience. One cannot exist without the other; unfortunately, the “body” seems to be the dominant and, in most cases, the only focus when people think about what living a healthy lifestyle is. The “mind and spirit” are all too often forgotten in that equation.

It’s great that people are becoming more aware of the importance of having a healthy body; however, there seems to be a general disconnect between looking healthy and actually being healthy. The focus seems to be predominantly on having the appearance of a healthy body.

Being buff, slender or fit are all media induced illusions of what the marketing specialists hired by big corporations want you to believe being healthy is all about. And they do this not because they care about your well being, but rather in order to sell countless amounts of fitness merchandise, diet products, protein powders and energy drinks, filled with preservatives and sugar, most of which are anything but healthy.

There are way too many people who still buy into this illusion, going to the gym and ingesting these products for all the wrong reasons, with little to no knowledge about the potential damage they might be doing to their bodies, not to mention their psyches.

So what does being healthy truly mean?

Don’t get me wrong, working out and getting fit is definitely a fabulous place to start, as long as we make sure we are doing our exercises – whatever method we choose – correctly so as to not badly injure ourselves. For this, hiring a personal trainer to get started can be of great benefit. We learn about setting fitness goals, proper techniques, how the body works and what particular exercises will be most effective to help us reach our goals. A good personal trainer will tailor workouts to each person’s current fitness level to minimize the risk of short-term or long-term injury.

If going to the gym isn’t your thing, then there are a variety of different physical activities to get your blood pumping through those veins. Walking, hiking, cycling, swimming … to name a few. Whatever your particular fancy, there are activities for you. The most important thing is to do some form of exercise daily to help develop and maintain a healthy body.

The other and most crucial component to promoting a healthy body is what we put in it. Something as seemingly simple as eating well phenomenally affects not only our overall physical health, but also our energy level, our ability to focus and be productive, our hormones and even our moods. Consequently, the very quality of our lives and well-being are greatly governed by the foods we eat.

More and more these days we hear about severe food allergies and sensitivities. People suffering from Celiac Disease and gluten intolerance are almost commonplace, making food choices even more difficult because wheat and other forms of gluten are found in just about everything. Those affected by these sensitivities must always carefully read product labels to make sure of all ingredients. Most Celiacs, however, must rely on specifically made “gluten free” products. Fortunately, these products are more readily available in larger cities due to the increase demand for them.

This epidemic, if you will, of food-related diseases is largely the result of the food industry’s penchant to over-process. Educating ourselves about the nature of our food, where it comes from, how it was produced/grown, and proper nutrition, as well as being mindful of what we put into our bodies, are fundamental as preventative measures in significantly reducing the risks associated with many of the diseases that increasingly afflict our population.

Although making healthy food choices takes a conscious and valiant effort and can at times be challenging and overwhelming (especially if our existing habits are particularly unhealthy), it is definitely well worth it. Consulting a nutritionist and/or naturopath can be of great value when wanting to learn more about the foods we eat and to help revamp our current lifestyle.

Consider the benefits of eating well: improved health, more energy, proper digestion, clearer skin, better moods, more focus and clarity of thought … and the list goes on. Even just knowing that what we are putting into our bodies is “good” for us can make a world of difference in how we actually feel about ourselves. Self-care is a crucial factor in our overall sense of well being and in the creation of a happier, more fulfilling existence in mind, body and spirit.

However, out of those people who are willing to step up and take action in obtaining a healthier lifestyle, most are more apt to do the nutrition and fitness aspect because it is seemingly more tangible, yet they more often than not neglect to do the inner work that will help them cultivate a sense of inner peace and create and sustain authentic happiness throughout their daily lives. With the body generally being the focus, mind and spirit are too often forgotten. We can look fabulous and eat all the nutritious food we want, but if our internal dialog is tormenting us, then nothing will ever be good enough.

What will it take for us to start loving ourselves enough to realize that we are worth the investment of time, energy and money in order to truly be healthy in a complete and holistic way? Sadly, a lot of people would rather invest in the instant gratification of a daily $5 latte than invest in their actual emotional well being.

We choose to numb and distract ourselves from our internal reality rather than go inward and take inventory of our thoughts. How we think about ourselves determines how we behave and respond to the world around us and will consequently influence the quality of the life we lead. If we are “glass half empty” kind of people then undoubtedly the circumstances and people we attract into our lives will reflect that negative attitude. If we are “glass half full” kind of people then life becomes an absolutely wonderful place full of amazing people and opportunities.

Quite simply, a positive outlook attracts positive circumstance. And even in those moments when ‘not so great things’ happen, because they inevitably do, if we are happy within ourselves on a profound level then it makes those moments way easier to deal with.

Shifting our inner dialogue is crucial to our overall well being. It is truly the only way to attain any measure of sustained inner peace and happiness. It’s amazing how all other things seem to start magically falling into place when we begin to make the conscious effort to shift the energy that brews within our spirits. So how do we begin this journey to a healthier mind and spirit?

Well, there are many avenues to choose from. There are a plethora of self-help and personal development books on the market. One book I highly recommend to my coaching clients is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a simple read that transformed my life quite profoundly. It truly helped shift how I saw myself, the world, and myself in the world.

Of course, self-help books aren’t everyone’s bag. Some people prefer a more hands-on, proactive approach to personal development. They might consider hiring a personal life coach to guide them along their journey towards a healthier, happier and more fulfilling life. Working with a coach can have enormous benefits in helping create and maintain the momentum for making positive and lasting changes in our lives. (If you are unfamiliar with the whole concept of life coaching you can read my article called “From Impulse to Opportunity: Navigating Life Changes" for a more comprehensive overview). However, there are times, depending on our life experiences, when we may feel that our internal struggle is way too much to handle due to past traumas and need a more specialized approach. At times like these, we may want to seek the help of a therapist or counsellor.

Whatever our circumstance, there are countless resources to tap into that will facilitate our personal growth, and overall health and well being – in mind, in body and in spirit. It is important to remember that one cannot exist without the other; they are all connected. It’s all about finding a holistic balance, and that is the true meaning of “being healthy”.

(article written by Kylen O. Lefave ~ originally posted on the site http://lifeasahuman.com/ on September 2, 2010)

✶ World Peace Begins With Inner Peace ✶

In this age of technology and information, now more than ever we are constantly aware of the devastating conflicts that are currently plaguing our beautiful planet.

Climate change and senseless wars are the brutal reality, while our media is riddled with sex, violence and self-destructive materialism cleverly disguised and attractively packaged to distract us from the reality. Fueled by the shortsightedness of greed and power, our world leaders are doing little to help reverse the momentum of our increasingly apparent decline.

Losing Sight of What Matters

It is all too easy to lay blame solely on those in power; however, the conflicts and wars that affect our outer world are symptomatic of a much deeper issue. They are but a reflection of something much closer to home.

There appears to be something missing from humanity. Somewhere along the way we seem to have lost sight of what is truly important: connectedness. Not only to each other and the natural world to which we belong, but connectedness to ourselves.

Collectively we are responsible for our plight — and collectively we can change it. But before any lasting positive and effective change can truly happen on a global scale, each and every one of us must look within and take 100 percent responsibility for the quality of our own lives. For world peace can only truly begin with inner peace.

The Inner War

So what happens when our ‘inner’ world is at war with itself? Whether this inner war is due to beliefs, self-loathing or nasty inner critics, it reflects back into our outer world in the form of anger and fear, misunderstandings, strife and, ultimately, chaos. We all struggle internally with something within ourselves at some point in our lives. For many of us this struggle is seemingly unyielding. Relentlessly at war with the conflicting sides of ourselves, we feel stuck and consequently unhappy.

The Projection

At times, we roam our outer world completely unaware of how unhappy we truly are, subconsciously projecting our misery onto those around us; subjecting them to our negativity.

This negativity, if left to its own devices, can become an infectious dis-ease of the spirit that easily affects others, potentially spreading to pandemic proportions. Manifesting itself in a multitude of ways, negative energy can become — as we witness daily via the media — an extremely destructive force.

The Dark Cloud

We are all too familiar with the expression misery loves company, yet what we often seem to forget is that company seldom loves misery. Yet there are those of us who are so attached to the dark cloud surrounding our heavy hearts that perhaps we feel if we drag others into our pit of despair at least we won’t be alone.

However, very few of us actually enjoy or have the desire or patience to be around people who seem to be miserable or angry most of the time. Or people who always find something to complain about or are always negative, pessimistic or fearful. We consider them to be downers, draining our energy and the elusive zest for life we all wish we could hold onto indefinitely.

Their contagion reminds us of our own negative tendencies and we hate them for it. Consequently, we secretly hate ourselves. Instead, we crave being around more positive people who seem to enjoy a good laugh and a good time. There’s nothing wrong with that except that we tend to gravitate towards these people because it is what we want for ourselves. We seek a different contagion. Yet if those people weren’t around to help us escape from our own internal misery we would be right back where we started…alone with our dark cloud.

Quite often we also turn to substance or other forms of distraction to relieve ourselves from the burden of our own negative thoughts. We seem to be perpetually trying to escape from this dark cloud within our souls, hoping that if we deny it long enough it will just one day magically lift from our heavy hearts and simply disappear.

Looking Within for Happiness

Giving our personal power over to someone or something else only creates a vicious codependent cycle… feeding into our infectious misery. But, as the saying goes, “What we resist persists.”

Wouldn’t it be more empowering to learn how to be more positive within our own minds and hearts — to become that person for ourselves, rather than forever being dependent on something outside of us for our own happiness?

When we constantly look outside ourselves for happiness we become shadows of what we truly are: unfulfilled hollowed spirits with no real sense of purpose, desperately in search of an ever-elusive happiness. We are constantly trying to fill an insatiable void within ourselves in order to feel whole …to feel connected. I dare say this void is not actually what is missing from our lives but rather something we have forgotten that already exists within us.

Our wholeness and our connectedness have simply been shrouded over many centuries by some sort of collective amnesia. Dwelling inside each of us is everything we will ever need to be whatever it is we truly want to be.

To reveal what that is, we need only choose to embark on the journey to do the necessary soul searching. It is definitely not an easy journey but it is an amazingly simple one, and it all begins with kindness. (See my Life As A Human article “Random Acts of Hello Counteract Unhappiness” for more on this subject.)

The Positive Shift

By consciously shifting our thoughts and internal dialog to a more positive vibration and being mindful of our behaviour and the choices we make, we not only empower ourselves to live authentically, but we also set an example for others to follow.

Through self-love and genuine kindness to others we create community. Through community we learn to care for and about each other and collectively work for the betterment of society.

Cultivating Connectedness

If our wishes for world peace are indeed true, then we owe it, not only to ourselves, but also to the entire world to be the best we can be.

Call me an idealist, but if everyone suddenly decided to spend time and energy on rediscovering our innate wholeness, on cultivating a sense of inner peace and embracing our connectedness to all that resides within the natural world, we would undoubtedly be in a better position to create a growing global family with the same altruistic objective — peace.

It seems so simple and, frankly, I’m not quite sure why we have let it get so out of hand. However, what’s done is done. Now, in this age of technology and information, we have a voice. More and more people around the globe are stepping forward. We are becoming increasingly aware that we have a choice and that it is in all of our hands and our hearts to change our inner world. Only then will we see it reflected back to us in an outer world of which we can all truly be proud.

Happy soul searching! 

♥

(article written by Kylen O. Lefave ~ originally posted on the site http://lifeasahuman.com/ on April 13, 2010)

✶ The Art of Journaling Part 2: Look back to learn ✶

(This is Part 2 of “The Art of Journaling” ~ To read Part 1, please scroll down to the next post.)

I have read a number of self-help books over the years and have often come across advice suggesting the benefits of keeping a journal. However, that advice was usually accompanied by more advice suggesting NOT to reread what I had written. I was often left with the impression that journalling was only to be used as an outlet — and that there were no benefits to be gained by rereading past entries. In fact, I was led to believe this could potentially be a bad thing to do so. Some books even advised burning my journal once it was full as a ritual to release the past rather than holding onto it for all eternity.

Okay, so that does make sense. If the only objective of writing in a journal is to purge thoughts and emotions that no longer serve us, then yes, I do see how the act of burning those memories can be an effective symbolic gesture toward releasing that negative energy from our lives.

However, what of the wonderful gifts that inevitably find themselves on those pages in the form of insights, creative ideas and invaluable pearls of wisdom that can facilitate our growth and serve as a chronicle of our process from where we were at the time when we wrote those heartfelt words to where we are now as we reread them.

So much can be revealed to us about ourselves by referring back to our personal history. Even though I am a firm believer that we are not our past, we are definitely a product of it. How can we know where to go if we never look back to see where we have come from…to learn from both our mistakes and our triumphs?

Allow me to give you a personal example. After a particularly bad breakup about eight years ago, I felt emotionally in tatters and wallowing in my misery. I was deep in my “Why does this keep happening to me?” victim mode when, for some reason, one day I just picked up an old journal from about three years before and began to randomly read it. Now, this was going against everything I had ever read in self-help books, particularly because this was an extremely vulnerable time for me to be doing so. But I felt compelled to read on and ventured forth regardless.

A few pages into it, I came across what proved to be the most valuable wake-up call I could have ever imagined. This one particular entry was about another break-up a few years prior. What I read shocked me into a harsh, yet necessary, reality about myself. The words I had written on that page were exactly how I was feeling at the very moment I was rereading them. In fact, I could have written that exact same journal entry word for word three whole years after a breakup from an entirely different relationship.

My heart sank and my jaw dropped as I sat there in tears at this eye-opening revelation. How was this possible? I realized in that time-stopping moment that the only real common denominator in both of those relationships was… me.

Now, had I adhered to the advice of countless self-help books and not reread this significant piece of my past, I would have never discovered that this was a pattern. “I have patterns?!” No wonder I was so profoundly unhappy on such a core level. By being unaware of the concept of even having patterns, I wasn’t learning from my past experiences, dooming myself to recreating the same miserable reality for myself over and over.

Since that fateful day, a whole new world had opened up for me. Of course, in my usual negative Kylen style, I felt awful and began to promptly beat myself up for even having “patterns”. Not knowing that this discovery would turn out to be one of the most important pinnacles of my human experience, my wallowing took on a whole new dimension.

At the time, I didn’t have the tools to properly deal with this new fact about myself. On some level, however, I did intuitively know that this was a good thing for me to know. It was an opportunity for me to learn more about myself and my unhealthy “patterns” (and yes, we all have more than one) in order to be able to change them and create new healthier ones to replace them.

In the meantime I had to find a way to be okay with simply being aware of this “pattern” without knowing exactly what to do about it just yet. (see my LAAH article “Awareness: Is it Really Half the Battle” for more on this subject). The tools would come with experience, study, self-reflection and personal time and effort. I had to find a way to be okay with that…and I eventually did.

______________

Many years later, with a wealth of accrued knowledge and experience under my belt, I humbly share this and many other life changing tales with both my readers and my clients. As a Personal Life Coach, one of the tools I encourage my clients to engage in is journalling. Speaking from experience, journalling most definitely can prove to be an integral resource along ones personal journey. It serves as a chronicle of not only our process but also, and more importantly, our progress.

By revisiting our past from time to time (but not dwelling in it, of course) and by rereading our “chronicle”, we can see more clearly where and how we’ve grown and made awesome positive changes for which to celebrate. As well as where perhaps we still need to focus our attention to help shift out of old negative patterns that may be holding us back from truly moving forward towards creating more inner peace, fulfillment and happiness in our daily lives.

Keeping a journal can be anything you envision it to be. Yes, it is an outlet for purging emotions, however, it can be so much more. Let your creativity have some fun with the process. After all, it is a chronicle of your life and there are many wonderful things that happen along the way. It doesn’t only have to contain all of the doom and gloom of the not so pleasant thoughts and events in our lives.

As humans, it has been scientifically proven that we have a tendency to focus on the negative; for that reason, I encourage my clients to always end every journal entry with something positive to balance out the energy we pour into it …a favourite quote, clippings of beautiful images, empowering words or quite simply…”I love you!”

Soul searching is a beautiful and at times difficult process, but wouldn’t it be great to know that you have a true “friend” along the way to help you through the tough times, and when you look back, to remind you of all the amazing times and how awesome you are too?

Happy soul searching!

(The Art of Journaling ~ Part 1 and 2 were originally posted in Nov. 2011 on the site Life as a Human)